Saturday, November 25, 2017

Ways Children can learn social skills between children.

A long time ago I wrote about the importance of sleep overs and playdates. I just came across this great article and wanted to share.. It sums of the struggles and hopefully will get you thinking of how to be creative and find ways for our children to socialize with out parental organization..
Our Playdate Society

Kendall Wagner, MFT is the director and a parent educator at the Carlsbad Counseling Center.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Couples Therapy: a great Article ...

I have always worked with couples and over the last few years my practice has become primarily couples focused.  Here is a great article written by another Emotionally Focused Therapist Angela  Bisignano, Ph.D.  The Secrets to Lasting Love

If you would like to know more and or schedule an appt. please follow the link below:
Kendall Wagner, MFT. Carlsbad Counseling Center
or call
760 434-9694

Monday, November 20, 2017

Thanksgiving and Christmas and YOU!

I wanted to share. a "how not to be that person" tip. There are so many stressful issues around the holidays. Between holiday blues, percipitory anxiety and just plan not wanting to be there... there is one way to not add to the issues..

Let your family know today if you have any eating or food issues. 
1.If you are on a diet:                   Be off it for the day.. 

2.If you have food preferences:   Be Adventurous for the day

3. IF you have real dietary issues: Let them know now or bring a dish you can eat. I have been this person in the past and I know others that either can't eat or have issues. Let your host know now... so they are not caught off guard and you can plan ahead. 

As for how to deal with the relies that you are going to be triggered by... treat them like acquaintances. Not the family they are... You will feel better in the long run.. :) 

Happy Holiday Marathon!

Monday, October 30, 2017

ONLINE/VIDEO Services updated list

Carlsbad Counseling Center is pleased to announce an expansion of our online/ live video feed services. Kendall is now providing court mandated classes via live video. The following may now be accessed through the privacy of your own home: Anger Management, Parenting (co and high conflict) Out Patient Substance Treatment, Elder abuse and shoplifting and court mandated counseling.
The following services do continue to be offered.
Individual counseling and psychotherapy (ACT and EFIT*)
Couples Therapy (Emotionally Focused Therapy)

ACT= Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
EFIT= Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy

Sunday, August 20, 2017

DBT Group Starts in September 2017

8 week Emotion Efficacy Therapy
 protocol available with Kendall Wagner, MFT
EET combines the best of DBTACT and exposure therapy to help you implement new coping strategies even when under stress or in Crisis.
Starting September, 2017.  You must be able to commit to the whole 8 weeks. If you know ahead of time, you will be gone for one meeting, we can set up a time to go over the missed materials and techniques. The cost is $320.00 , you may pay weekly at $40 per week.
This course is and may be used to meet anger management class requirements and or a part of the out patient substance treatment program.
    760 434-9694 (call/text)

Out Patient Substance Abuse Program: Carlsbad Counseling Center

Carlsbad Counseling Center offers an out patient Substance Abuse/treatment Program. Our program is on the court referral list and completion of the program is accepted by the San Diego Superior Court.
I would like to provide an overview for those that may be interested, thru the courts or seeking out treatment on their own. This program attempts to reduce the cost of treatment by incorporating  attendance at certain free programs. 
Our program is a minimum of Three Months with many seeing the program as a six month commitment. The duration is decided between the client, the center and if there is a court order, what the court time-frame has required.
The first step in an intake appointment. We go over why you are wanting to enroll in the program, your history of substance use and what you are hoping to get out of the process.
Each Client is required to meet at the center for one Individual appointment per week, along with this each client commits to two self help meetings a week. One of them must be a SMART meeting. The other may be a traditional 12 step.. 
There is a requirement to focus on sober living and self growth. If court mandated there will be random drug testing. Usually only one or two times thru the program.

If you or someone you love would like to work on changing your way of coping and doing life, please feel free to call or email for a private consultation.
                                                            Kendall Wagner, MFT
                                   Clinical Director
                          Carlsbad Counseling Center

Monday, June 5, 2017

The Courage to Speak Up.

     When we hear or think about child sexual abuse we always say, I would be so angry, I would kill (not literally) anyone that hurt a child. 
What we know is that statistically most sexual abuse happens within the family or by a close family friend. Many of you reading this were victims of sexual abuse at the hands of a grandparent, uncle/aunt or close family friend. It was the unspoken truth that everyone knew.

Which Children Are Molested?
Children are most at risk from the adults in their own family, and from the adults who are in their parents' social circle. In fact, 90 percent of abusers target children in their own families and children who they know well. Furthermore, research suggests that the risk is across the board: Child molesters come from every part of our society, and so children from every part of our society are at risk.

Notice that only 10 percent of the child sexual abusers report that they molest a child who is a stranger.

     This week, a very courageous woman spoke up and shared the truth of sexual abuse within her own family. She reported her husband of over 20 years, the father of her 6 children. Her life and the lives of her children will never be the same.

     As she continues to process and possibly grieve the loss of her marriage (as she knew it) the family and stability that has been shattered, she will have moments of shock and disbelief.

     Very rarely does sexual abuse happen in a vacuum, and usually others in the family are either clearly aware or turning a blind eye to what they suspect is happening due to the fall out. The loss of income, relationships , shame and the sharing publicly of personal trauma. Please think if it was your husband, son or friend, if you would lose everything.. What would you do?

     In the days and weeks and years that follow, please ask yourself can you and would you have the courage to speak up when doing so would destroy everything that you had held dear for so many years.
     Sadly, the level of media coverage and destruction may force some of you to slip back into the woodwork.. out of fear that this could have been your story.. This can also be an inspiring example of standing up and telling the truth at great personal and emotional loss.
     Today and this week, as more unfolds, this woman continues to be one of the bravest women out there and is an example of not hiding abuse and doing the right thing.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Pure O.... OCD yes even children can have it.

This is a short blog as the links are very helpful. I have been aware of this for several years, but it is now only getting the recognition that it should.  Pure O(bsessive) are intrusive usually sexual and or violent thoughts.This "type" of OCD known as Pure O can be very scary when it is seen in children as young as 6 or 7. BUT it is important to get the proper diagnosis and be aware of how to talk to the client in ways that do not exacerbate the situation or avoid.. Exposure Therapy is very helpful. Parents at times are upset that I may be talking to a child about very adult topics, yet if that is the subject of their intrusive thoughts, that is exactly where I need to start.
Here are a few links that may be helpful.

If you think this might be you or your child, please do not panic, talk to your pediatrician and let them know what you think this is.. Due to the graphic nature of the intrusive thoughts many uninformed physicians and therapists incorrectly assume the thoughts must be from some type of sexual or physical trauma. In the absence of any other indicators. Pure O must be ruled out before more invasive tests and diagnosis are confirmed.

Kendall Wagner, MFT    760 434-9694

Sunday, March 26, 2017

What is MBT and why is it helpful.

Back in Grad school, therapists would say I am an eclectic therapist. Unfortunately, what that means is you didn't want to commit to a specific therapeutic path and or didn't know what you were doing. For most the first is true. There is no specific one size or treatment modality fits all. There are branches that work in some fashion for a variety of issues and populations.
I only do evidenced based treatments and therapies in my practice. This means I use clinical frameworks and modalities that have been tested over time with various populations.
I have spoken about them in other blog posts. There is one underlying theme for all of my work, that is attachment and a developmental framework. This does not mean we spend all of our time looking at your childhood or parent bashing, what it does mean is we acknowledge the impact on your development, view of the world and coping skills that were impacted and influenced due to childhood experiences.
With some clients we use MBT.
MBT is (Mentalization Based Treatment), we help you see how others view you on the outside and how others may be viewing the world from their insides. When our emotions are overwhelming we tend to forget that the rest of the world is not right there with us.. Or reacting the way we would. This can and does cause poor mentalization, ( a clear assessment of the wholistic view of the situation and those involved.).
Together we work on challenging perceptions and move away from reactions and toward  more accurate responses.

Kendall Wagner, M.A. , MFT
760 434-9694